Twas The Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the hall,
Not a player was gambling, not even 9-ball.
The cues were all hung in their rack by the chair,
In hopes that a player soon would be there.
The balls were all nestled all snug in their rack,
While waiting for players to break up the pack.
With me in my Levi’s and wearing a cap,
Had just scratched the cueball and knew I was “crap”.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my table to look in to the matter.
Away to the doorway I flew like a flash,
Grabbing my cue and all my loose cash.
The streetlights on walkways gave light to the show,
Even the Hookers who stood just below.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a chubby Doug Wiley with eight empty beers. (Buuurp)
A little too sober, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be a trick.
More rapid than eagles his backers they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
Now Becky, Now Louie, Now Hughie and Willee,
Come Ronald and Deno and Patrick and Billy.
To the top of the table to the cues on the wall,
Its cash today, cash today, cash from them all.
As dry heaves that before the real Barf does fly,
Doug wriggled in pain spitting up Apple Pie.
So up to the bleachers his backers they flew,
With pockets of cash and a few railbirds too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,
The thumping and bumping of what seemed like a goof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Jimbo so chubby and round.
He was all dressed in leather from his head to his foot,
And his case was all covered with ashes and soot.
A bundle of cues he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a hustler while breaking the rack.
His cue how it sparkled like dust from the Fairy,
His points were all pointed, the wood looked like cherry.
His inlays were pearl all lined in a row,
And the joint and the ferrule were white as the snow.
The money he brought he held tight in his teeth,
And he cussed like a trooper when he scratched on the three.
He had a broad face and a large round belly,
That shook when he shot like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump in spite of his wealth,
And I laughed when I saw him, of course to myself.
With the blink of his eye and the turn of his head,
I knew I had trouble and might end up dead.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the pockets, then turned with a jerk.
And taking my money, he thumbed up his nose,
And giving the finger, up the chimney he rose.
He jumped on his Harley and off he did ride,
And away went my money and some of my pride.
But I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,
“Learn to fuckin’ read will ya….Oh, and to all a Goodnight”
Hey, if JAM can do it. LOL ) Sincerely, Sam
Courtesy of www.twasthenightbeforechristmaspoem.com

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